Many women today lack the happy and warm memories of a caring, loving father who poured out his life for his children and loved them unconditionally. I know that this deficit in their experiences can make it difficult for those women to relate to their Heavenly Father and to believe that He has only their best interests at heart and that He works constantly for the benefit of His children. But I also believe that our Heavenly Father can heal any old wounds that our earthly fathers have inflicted. This Father’s Day, I thought I’d tell you a little about my Dad and how God worked in both our lives.
My Dad was one of those fathers who had struggles and problems to the point that he was not really a “good” or consistant father. He was an alcoholic and that sin caused him to be ambivalent, uncaring, harsh and neglectful most of the time. I grew up being hungry sometimes, sometimes not having proper clothes to wear and craving a man’s influence in my life in my teen years. But what I have learned nearing my 50’s is that my understanding of him and his ways has changed and deepened as I have experienced life and as my Heavenly Father-God has worked His grace in my life.

Looking back, I can see some of the wisdom my Dad imparted to me, even in his fog of alcoholism. When I began to drive at age 15, he warned me that I was responsible for not only myself and my car, but for every other driver on the road. Shocking as that sounds, I have lived and driven by that rule for 32 years and have never caused an accident or been in one caused by someone else. I attribute that not only to my Dad’s counsel but my Heavenly Father’s protection.

My Dad was filled with practical wisdom that his alcoholism would not let him use or share except on occasion.One saying that my Dad was fond of was, “You are Daddy’s baby and you will always be Daddy’s baby if you live to be 90 years old.” Granted, when I was 13 I wasn’t really crazy about that sentiment, but as the years went by, I knew my Dad loved me and I learned that he showed it as best as he could. My Dad was lacking in emotional skills. It was hard for him to say that to me, but he made himself say it and he meant it. He missed out on acting on a lot of his good intentions, but I can see from my vantage point of age that he meant those that he did act on. I don’t condemn him for that, and I don’t excuse him, I simply observe and understand.
As a child, I worried about my Daddy. I prayed every night that God would “help my Daddy to stop drinking and save my Daddy.” When I consider how much I prayed for him, I wonder if that was my calling from the Lord in those early years. I spent so much time praying as a child that I was a strange child. Different from my carefree playmates, different from the adults in my life. God used me even as a child to pray for my Dad and you simply can’t be the same after spending time with God.One evening, I don’t remember exactly how old I was but I was about 8, he apologized to me about his behavior. I don’t even remember what the behavior was, but I do remember his apology. He told me that he knew that the Lord did not approve of his behavior, his drunkeness, and that he would not drink any more. And he didn’t for a while.

Dad never gave me any gifts in all my life growing up. Mother always bought the gifts. Daddy never gave me anything that I can recall except one day in July of 1981 he gave me something.I stared in wonder at it as he handed it to me in his living room that day. My husband and I had been married almost a year. Daddy had not come to the wedding. He said he was sick, felt too badly to go. I just think he was sad that his baby was getting married and didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t hold it against him. Was I just too naive? Some people in my family think I am. But I’m not all that naive, I just understood my Dad better than they did.

Daddy placed a shiny gold necklace in my hand. It was a pure golden chain with a very beautiful copper penny set in a golden charm. The penny was dated 1902. It was so perfect it looked new. The face on the Indian was chisled and clear. It was just exquisite.

And Daddy said to me, “This is a late wedding present. I love you” Six years later Daddy was gone. I was relieved, angry and brokenhearted all at once. It took me several years to come to a place where I could even grieve for his leaving. Today, I don’t idealize my Dad, he was just a man with troubles, sins and struggles, but a man who loved his child.

I’m really thankful for that love, as difficult and imperfect as it was.Two weeks ago, a woman at church whose husband had been my Dad’s best friend, came to me and said that she had had something on her mind and heart for a long time and didn’t know if I knew it or if it was any of her business to share it with me. She said that her husband and a local pastor had gone to my Dad’s house before he died and the pastor had led my Dad to the Lord.

I knew that he had changed in the few years before he died. I knew that he was a different man but I wasn’t sure if he was saved or not. All those prayers I prayed for my Daddy when I was a child had been answered. All those hours spent questioning and praying over his salvation and repentance and whether or not my Dad would be in heaven were put to rest in a moment. And I found out about the answered prayers long after the fact. I got a little taste of heaven that day.

Dads come in all varieties. But most of them were once young men who had dreams and plans and ideals. As we grow older we really need to be able to look at our Dads with the eyes of age and wisdom, seasoned with grace and forgiveness. They are sinful people in need of a savior just like we are.

© 2006 Sylvia Britton

Isn’t becoming a mother just the most intense experience both physically and emotionally? For me, it was the most fulfilling time of my life! I remember the anxious waiting for my son’s birth- doubly anxious because I had given birth to still-born twins in my seventh month previously. And as I waited anxiously for his birth, I also wondered what exactly my husband was experiencing emotionally. Outwardly, he seemed unconcerned, but I knew he must have had some anxiety as well- he was looking forward to this child as much as I. So I thought about how this child would change our marital relationship- would it bring us closer or cause some distance between us? You see, I had friends who had dreamt all their lives of being a mother, and when that supreme moment came, they invested so much of their time and energy into motherhood that they often neglected their husbands. Many men were battling anxieties caused through feeling second-best or neglected… not only in the love-making area, but in all areas. Suddenly the world revolved around the baby and they felt like they were just the breadwinner and of no special significance to their wives. Some of them even carried guilt because they felt jealous of their own child. And some of them even strayed because of it. I didn’t want this to happen. As soon as Mark was born, they handed him to me…I drank in the sight of him and immediately handed him up to his father. As I did with the other children as well. I made every effort to include him in not only the baby’s life, but I made sure that he had no doubt that I still regarded him as my friend, my lover and my husband. There were times when the baby needed my attention of course, but I made sure that I made time to listen to what my husband had to say, to cook his favourite meals and to be demonstratively affectionate to him. He was so proud of each of our babies and was a very good father. (We later on had problems in our marriage that were totally unrelated to him feeling second best after their birth.) I have encouraged my own daughters to remember that they are wives first and mothers second. They have been encouraged as well to put their husbands first in everything so as to avoid the mistakes I have seen new mothers sometimes make. Being a mother would not be anywhere near as wonderful an experience if we lost our marriages in the process. So, new mothers and young ladies, I would encourage you too- don’t throw your husband out with the baby’s bathwater!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Every wise woman builds her house but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. I think the wise wife and mother realizes that the whole family hinges on a good marriage. I think God, husband, children, home and church is a biblical approach to prioritizing who comes first in your life. And as many a woman whose children have flown the nest will testify- if you haven’t nurtured your marriage during the childrearing years, you may very well end up being married to a stranger! The sad fact is that we all grow and change throughout the years, so it is imperative that a wife make her husband number one during those years of child raising and keep her marriage alive and the intimacy (both physical and spiritual), fresh. Women who have devoted all their attention to their children and neglected their marriage can feel lost (even suicidal) when that focus is gone. And if it is further complicated by an empty marriage (shudder) A well-loved and respected husband usually makes a better and more confident father. I think that if the husband is shown love and respect on a regular basis then he will not feel neglected when his wife has to look to the needs of his children before his own. Most men will not over react when their needs are temporarily put on hold whilst a baby is in need of feeding or changing or the children are fighting or in need of discipline or whatever. By making your husband number one after God, I believe it enhances a marriage and that in turn brings greater team-work in raising children. There are obviously times when our children’s needs are more pressing than our husband’s, but if the wise woman has built her man up, and he knows he is King of his castle and has her heart, he usually understands that he may have to take a temporary back seat in her attentions. If the wife has torn her house down with neglecting her husband, being constantly unavailable or unaffectionate etc then it is highly likely that he will feel that he is not very important in her sight. He may even become bothered with feelings of guilt because he has jealous feelings towards his own children. The whole business of child raising, marriage and homemaking is a balancing act which requires wisdom and prayer- and organization. I do feel too that sometimes children today are made a little too much of and I fear that we will reap the consequences of this in our own lives and in the next generation of adults. Balance is the key, I feel. The wise woman will build her house by building up her husband, building her children up enough to make them confident adults but never to become the masters of the home. This is tearing your house down with your own hands. Build your home by seeking God’s divine order- Him, husband, children, house then church. By doing this, you will have a happy home and family and will be serving God as He purposes it. And you will reap the reward of a happy enduring marriage and well adjusted children.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all” Proverbs 31:29

believe God has given us an innate desire to call Him Father and to worship Him and trust Him as Lord. He does this by giving us the instinct and urge to look up to our fathers and love and be loved by them no matter what they are really like. Even on a subconscious level, we are always trying to win our father’s approval and love even when he has passed on. For good or bad, Father can influence our thinking and our self-esteem. Depending on how our father measured up to our need for love and esteem, so will our behaviour be- even into adulthood. It will definitely affect how we view God as Father. But no matter how much our fathers fall below the mark in being good fathers, we will still yearn for their love and approval- because your Daddy is always your Daddy! My daughter and her partner split up once and my 2 year old grandson was missing his Dad- especially at night-time! Now there is too much personal stuff to discuss online, so suffice it to say that his Dad is not a very nice person- however to his kiddies, he is King! Anyway, we were minding her kiddies one night and the little guy was dead tired. He climbed up onto Chris’s knee and rubbed his hand up and down the hairs on Chris’s arm and tried to put his hand down his shirt front to feel the hair on his chest. Chris swivelled him around so that he could reach his chest to settle. He did this because our grandson has been sleeping with his Daddy since his birth and now misses that masculine touch to go to sleep with. It was a very emotional moment! It is sad when adults have to go their own way. But I am sure that when the dust settles and they see their father again, their love for him will still be the same. For to a child, Father can do no wrong! Because God wants us to see Him as a loving Father, He has placed that paternal love in our hearts so much, that no matter what transpires, we will even subconsciously still love our fathers no matter how much they have failed us. We are all one in this- because we all know that your Daddy is always your Daddy no matter what!© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Sometimes I feel fathers underestimate the value of their role in bringing up their children. Especially so for Christian fathers. Your child is constantly looking at your behaviour, speech and mannerisms from early infancy and all you do and say is moulding him or her into your likeness. Good or bad. The father’s role as leader of the home and spiritual guide is so critical to your child’s development. For it is through you as well as their mother that they learn. Not only do they learn how to do practical things like filling the car with gas, but they watch how you interact with their mother and other authority figures. It is crucial that children see their father respecting and loving their mother and obeying the laws of God and the land. They will take on board any negativity that you show such as laziness, bad humour, cussing, lack of interest in spiritual matters and even worldly matters. If you doubt the value of your role, take a moment to observe your children at play and note how many times Daddy goes to work, how he drives the car, how he speaks to Mommy and to them! It could come as a shock! If you use bad language in front of your little ones, expect them to repeat it! They hear YOU say it- so then to their minds it is correct and proper grammar! Do not feign ignorance or administer punishment if you are using such language- they are just proving my point! Children are like little sponges and are absorbing everything you do and say. It is crucial to the child’s development that he or she feels loved and accepted by their father. Most of us spend all our lives trying to please Dad- even if he has passed on! Your place as father is so much more than being just a bread winner- important and appreciated as much as it is! Your children do not know the value of money as youngsters and a child has no comprehension of being in lack. If they are fed, warm, clean and loved, that is all they know and need. The father’s role is one that influences us right up and through the time that we have children of our own. If you weren’t much of a father to your children, the chances are they won’t be much of a father to your grandchildren! And most importantly of all, I feel- the spiritual role of father. How you relate to your children will model how they perceive God as Father! You can make or break their trust in God by your fathering! May you look at your role as a father through the eyes of your children, and try to be Christ-like! Your child’s eternity depends on it!© Glenys Robyn Hicks

‘Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?’ Hebrews 12:9